I wasn't hungover. I was still hanging.

Okay, so I went drinking with some friends last night, and when I woke up this morning, I did not feel or look great. I got up, let the dog out, saw my pants by the door, and that I had put my keys where they belong. The events were blurry but I think I took some ibuprofen and tried playing my guitar for some reason. Then I went back to bed and woke up three hours later.

My bike shoes were by the couch. They were calling to me, beckoning me to go ride. I still didn't feel so hot. I let the dog in. I fed the dog. I made a sandwich, accidentally dropped it, but I ate it anyway. I didn't even bother with a 5-second rule. Then I showered.

I don't know why but I put on some cycling shorts. Not tights, but ones that look like regular shorts with the chamois inside. I walked around the house like that, fighting with myself about going for a ride. It was already afternoon and I knew it was hot out. On the other hand, it was a Saturday so I knew there would be less traffic. There were roads to explore in my fair city.

Well, I ended up riding my bike on A.W. Grimes. It's one of the roads that connects the north side of town with the south side, with 79 intersecting it. The goal today was to ride from my house to Hendrickson High School in Pflugerville. I knew there were enough back roads that I could work out a course.

The first problem is that I was still hungover. I had no energy or strength to push a decent gear. A.W. Grimes, from 79, goes uphill, and that sucked. The wind was in my face. That sucked. And it was hot. I could feel the heat rising from the street. Riding this street concerned me. The three lanes are wide, and it's a curving, hilly road. For some reason, these are the sort of factors that encourage drivers to go faster. One car honked at me: it was a tiny white Ford Festiva. You could have put two of those cars in my lane and we all would have still fit. I was tempted to get out of the seat and crank a little harder and meet him at the intersection ahead, but I was hungover.

I was struggling. I was heaving. (Meaning I was breathing heavily, not barfing.) I was talking to myself to keep going. My mouth said things that made sense. Work on your form. Keep your line. Knees in. But my body was not listening. I was dying of thirst and I could not will my hands to reach for the water bottle. They seemed quite happy resting on the handlebars. My legs still had adrenaline in them from that car-honking and they wanted another gear. My butt kept complaining that the seat needed to be adjusted. I'm willing to bet I had not even gone two miles.

Luckily the light at Gattis was green so we shot through and we had gotten over the hilliest part. I was glad for that because my body was seriously shutting down. At the next light instead of turning left to follow the access road for 45, I went straight and stopped at a Walgreen's or CVC or whatever. I was shaking, trembing. I rode up onto the sidewalk and sat down. It was a shaded spot so that felt good, but my body couldn't take sitting up. I thought I was going to be sick, so I had to lie down. There is no glory in this, folks. Sometimes you have to put your pride aside and just do what your body needs. I lay there staring at the small clouds that kept evaporating. They would slowly peek over the edge of the building and kind of swirl around and dissipate. It was kind of fun watching clouds like that. I could hear cars pulling in and driving by, but I just didn't care what people thought. I was trying my damnedest to get a ride in and I was happy that I'd gotten this far. Even if I felt like shit, I was still happy.

Eventually I got up and I knew there was nothing left in the tank. Right next to the Walgreen's is an AutoZone. I rode through their driveway because from Walgreen's there's an island blocking me from just turning back.

The ride home was uneventful. The things I did not like about the ride all worked in my favor going this way. I was going downhill on a wide three-lane road with the wind at my back. I did take one slight detour. There's a place called The Retreat and the gates were open so I rode through to see what the place was like and whether there was a nice panoramic view. Nothing. I got lucky and shot through the Gattis Road intersection again. (One day I'm going to ride my bike on that road, too.) (That was a very narrow road, very busy, but it's been widened.)

There's this misconception that just because you're going downhill you don't pedal as hard. Most people don't realize how hard they pedal because they have the energy. Try doing it when you're hungover and you'll realize that it also saps your strength. Right before I got to the scary intersection at 79 I pulled over. I couldn't keep as straight a line as I wanted when I looked back. Of course, I stepped in an antpile. Those fire ants love me! Traffic cleared and I scooted into a left turn lane. Yeah, I made a left turn at A.W. Grimes and 79 in front of HEB Plus. However, I was not going to ride the shoulder on this road. That was never my intention. I cut through McDonald's, almost got hit by a car backing out, and took the back road home.

I was so wasted I barely made it home. I ran the water cold and sat in the tub for at least 15 minutes. Love riding my bike, but not like this ever again. Did about 12 miles.